By 5 Tips on how you can ignite the fire in bed with your partner
One thing that people in sexually active relationships don’t talk about often enough—whether because they’re shy or they think it’s awkward to—is how difficult it can be sometimes to initiate sex. It may seem like an especially odd problem for you to have when you’ve already had sex with your partner several times before. But contrary to what you might believe, it’s actually pretty normal to have the jitters about initiating intimacy with your partner. It’s understandable to be at least a little trepidatious about when to bring it up, how to vocalize your sexual urges, and how to make sure that both your needs and your partner’s needs are met.
There’s no single script that you have to use in order to initiate sex, but if you’re feeling unsure or self-conscious about how you do so, here are five things that you can try.
Be Direct and Ask Them if They’re in the Mood
The first method that you can try—and arguably the best and least ambiguous of them all—is to simply be straightforward and ask your partner about when it’s a good time for you to have sex. In that respect, it doesn’t have to be any different from asking them when they’d like to watch a movie, have dinner out, or visit friends with you.
Some people may think that asking their partner directly might ruin the vibe. But in fact, in many cases, it’s just the opposite. A direct question can clarify what each partner wants or needs in the exact moment, and it can prevent the buildup of tricky emotions like confusion or annoyance as far as sex is concerned.
Find the best opportunity to bring it up, like when the two of you are fully relaxed. Ask them if they’re physically or emotionally up to having sex, and how far they’d like to go. If it’s not a good time for full intercourse, you can propose oral sex or some heavy petting instead.
Invite Them to Go Sex Toy Shopping
You can also try something that will have them actively looking forward to more bedroom time with you: go shopping together for a new vibrator, tickler, or other sex toy product. You won’t have a hard time buying vibrators in the Philippines and getting the right design for the kind of sex you like to have with your partner.
When either of you have the time, ask if they’d like to visit a sex toy shop with you or check out an online sex toy store together and pick something that can add some spice to your routine. Then, it will only be a matter of time before the two of you can enjoy yourselves with your new buy.
Drop Dirty, Flirty Hints in Your Next Conversation
If you want an alternative to being very direct with your partner, another way that you can bring up your desire for sex with them is through some titillating language.
Find the opportunity to compliment them about a quality of theirs that’s currently turning you on. Send them private messages about the things you’d love to do to them if they’d allow you. You can even crack a dirty joke or two at an appropriate moment—even if the joke doesn’t fully land, you can still have a laugh about it and have a rollicking good time after.
Make a System of Physical Cues for Each Other
Something that you can discuss in frank terms with your partner as soon as both of you are available is whether they’d like to use a system of physical cues with you to indicate when either of you wants to have sex. This can involve touching or snuggling with each other in a certain way, and then waiting for a particular response that will make it clear that the other party is in the mood.
For example, while you’re snuggling up with your partner on the couch, you can cue them in on how you feel by giving them a quick kiss on the lips. If they kiss you on the cheek, it can be their cue for “maybe next time,” while engaging you in a full make-out session will indicate that they’re ready to go to the next level. Don’t forget to confirm with them about whether they are all right about upping the action.
Plan a Special Getaway for an Especially Good Time
Lastly, you can create the perfect conditions for steamy, leisurely, and all-around enjoyable sex for you and your partner by booking a weekend getaway at a hotel, resort, or bed and breakfast rental. If the hectic pace of everyday life at home is keeping you from having sex, it would be a great idea to dedicate a special place and time for it.
Head to a spot where the two of you can unwind and even try something new in your sex life, like a different position or some roleplay. One thing’s for certain: having dedicated space and time to focus on intimacy will do great things for your relationship.
Conclusion
Ultimately, your success in initiating sex with your partner is about the way you ask and the ideas you suggest. After all, sex is supposed to be a fun and exciting activity. Be both honest and respectful, observe each other’s boundaries, and be clear with each other about what’s possible at the moment.
There are few turn-ons like someone who is both upfront and tactful about expressing their desire. Be that kind of person for your partner, and take the lead in initiating pleasurable and satisfying sex with them.
